Words can never express my feelings for you and how much I've missed you. I thought about you each and every day, hoping for miracle to appear yet it seems so far. How long will this feeling last? A week? A month? Every time when i think of you my heart aches. It always makes me happy whenever i receive your msg yet i always have to look back into reality. sigh...
Few weeks ago I spotted this really sweet looking cute girl on my buddy's gf's photo album, had a lil' interested in her after seeing her picture. So I told my buddy to tell his gf to intro her to me + find out for me whether does that cutie has a bf. To my disappointment, that cutie already had a bf. After me buddy's gf knew I'm had a lil' interest on her friend, she decided to intro her to me during her birthday.
On that day itself, I get to know her yet it's one of the worst / happiest day ever. Worse = my buddy's gf pulled me over and asked me to dance with her and I sucked at it. I kept telling to the both of them that i don't know how to dance + I was so darn shy.
Few days later my buddy called me and ask me to join them for a karaoke session, in which I declined cause I had something on and I can't make it. Out of my surprise, my buddy told me that the cutie was expecting me to join them. I was like "are you shitting me?" A moment of doubtfulness went around my head for like a couple of hours. Finally I'm able to digest it and I decide to join them for the next karaoke session.
On that day itself me buddy and his gf decided to make us sit together and sang together in some love song. That was really and awkward yet funny day as the cutie was expecting me to talk to her. LOL. Well, I did talk to her and it was more like a Q&A session as we're still not familiar with each other.
As day goes by, my feelings for her grew for and she does have a lil' feeling for me as well. Yet I feel that it's not the right way as she had a bf. I kept telling to myself why do I always encounter such situation? I was reminded with the last girl in which my current scenario is exactly the same as during that time. I'm afraid that history will repeat itself again and it's definitely a matter of time. So, it's not fun having such feeling hanging in mid air.
I always felt I'm left behind and people looking down at me, thinking that I suck and couldn't perform. Well guess what bitches, you gotta eat back your fucking shit words and watch closely as I'm gonna prove to you I'm way fucking better than you. Proving you wrong is one thing, but proving to myself that I can do it is my main priority.
Had a few random dream last night. 1st was pretty cool, the 2nd one is the one which I'm gonna talk about and the 3rd one is just total weird.
About the 2nd dream, I dreamt of her, like really random. I have no idea why i would dream of her in such a random night. In the dream, I dreamt of her asking me can the both of us have another chance and even get married after a few years of relationship. When she asked me that, I had a second thought about it. I can't believe myself doubting this relationship! Actually in reality, I was the one who asked her this question. But in this dream it's the opposite. Weird. Anyways, few mths back, I was dying to get her back into my life. Trying to fix thing back to its original state - cook for her, buy her flowers, play the guitar and sang to her, treat her like a princess and all those lovey dovey shits. You know what I mean. But right now it's just the total opposite! I can't believe it. WOW!
this song totally represents my feelings at that time:
Come to my senses I actually realized that I've already let it go? I don't feel my heart hurting as much as last time anymore. The pain has gone. No doubt sometimes I would recall back those good o'memories but nah... it's past dude. So I can say that I've completely put it aside, lock it in my memory box and never take it out ever again. I guess the part where I have a second thought about it tells me that in reality I've already put it down and walk off - in which it's a good thing and I'm happy about it. =) wee....
So yea, i guess it'd be hard for me to fall in love again until I really found "the one"... the one that really captures my heart when i see her. That probably would be in another few years time? Few months later? Who knows? Right now all I can say is I would rather focus on building my financial base first then only I'll talk about love. I'll just let it come naturally. We'll see =)
my pet sis once said: "lil' bro, don't force yourself to go out and find love, the more you force yourself to find love, the harder love will come to you. Let it come naturally, love will come to you." I find it true because I remember when i was out looking for love, it was so hard for me to get a girl, either she rejects me or i totally don't have that special feeling at all. So i let it come naturally and yea, I let it come naturally and eventually i found her but things started to get ugly through out the days. So yea, better let it come naturally. =)
So yeap. I've learn my mistake. I'm happy that I've let go the past and had moved on. I'm happy with my life right now, met a lot of great peeps back home and will continue to build my dreams. Am happy. Happy happy happy! =)
Clinging on to your past will only bring you sorrow and negative emotions. What had pass is the past. Look forward to a brighter future and you'll live happier. If it's meant to be yours it'll be yours, if it's not, let it go and find a better one. You're an idiot if you still cling on to the past.