why bothered?

sigh... it's 0205 now and yet i'm still doing my bloody assignment here... lifeless. Recently i just feel very down, sad, moodless, i don't know why. There are things which have alraedy been settled but yet i'm still stubborn on it. That is why sometimes i hated myself for being so damn f*cking sutbborn at this kind of stuff. Sometimes when before i go to sleep, my mind eventually will think of her. It's already been more than 3-4months, all along i thought that i could let it go. Yes, i've manage to do so but yet there are still some remaining. That's why sometimes it hurts so much.

Her birthday's coming. I did went over to her place and gave her a small surprise. First, i asked her to close her eyes and i quicklt light up the candle and then i ask her to open her eyes. What she saw was a cake with a light up candle right infront of her. I told her, "i know i can't celebrate your actual birhtday with you, that is why i make it in advance." She was surprise. But whether she's touched or not i won't know la. But anyway, she then ask me "if birthday sure got birthday song what, so you sing for me la?" and i did sang for her and wish her happy birthday as well. After that, i ask her to make a wish then only blew off the candle.

Again, I told her to close her eyes and this time when she opens her eyes, there's a lil' pressie right infront of her. I even put a small note writen" you can only open it on 23.06.07". She was quite sad that she can't open it up right away. But hopefully she follows the note. Actually, during that time i even told her that during her birhtday i would bring her to a wonderful restaurant and have a wonderful meal and i promise that i would make it her most memorable birthday ever as it's her 21st birthday and even wanted to give her a really really big surprise. She's happy when i said that. Unfortunately, things wouldn't work out as the way i wanted it to be. Sad. I was really really sad bout it. As tears start falling down from my eyes. What can i do? That's how it should be. Sigh. Maybe it's the right choice and it's a good thing? i don't know?

So, now all i can do is this, just give you a small surprise. No more any big surprise. Maybe in the future there might be a chance and there might not be. Nobody knows the future. If it belongs to you, eventually in the future it will always be yours. I've learnt quite a lot of things from her. I'm really really glad to know such a person. Anyway, just want to wish her a very happy happy birthday "S".